Grace Abounding

Proverbs 31:10b

She is worth far more than rubies. 

I have grown up in a loving home. In a home where we don't fight or hit, but we had to sit on the couch & hold hands until we were done being mad. A father that was stern when needed to be, but a best friend, listener, advice giver, & just a dad. A mother that was always loving and willing to sing a song at any moment, a mother where if you had any need at all she would do everything she could just so you could be served. Three siblings that would leave their friends to play with you when you had none, teach you how to tie your shoes, or sing disney songs with. 

Growing up in such a wonderful family you would assume that the baby of the family would feel all that love & never have a care in the world, but the opposite was true. I struggled with my identity, my worth, my beauty, & feeling loved. 

Although I have always had a family that will listen or hold you when you cry, there were many times when all I wanted to do was run away & do what I believed was right. To go against everything I believed & just satisfy myself for the moment. Not looking at what could effect me later on in life. Because I let myself choose those decisions so many times, it took me down a road where I had to deal with wanting to be wanted, or loved. Although, I had people that loved me, a LORD that loved me, I didn’t want it, I wanted the kind of love that worldly people wanted. I wanted to live in a material world. I wanted to be cool, look good & be everyones favorite. That didn’t happen.

When high school hit life became more complicated. There was so much more to live up to in the world. I had to like a guy all the time, I had to wear this, look like that, do those things(Obviously their all lies). I cannot tell you how many times I have cried over not being pretty, how weird & different I was from all the other girls. Crying over the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend or because I just wanted everyone to want to be my friend. There was so much of me that needed to be found. There was so much I needed to learn about the Lord. The Lord tried to teach me so much in my high school years, but I chose to ignore it. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. 

So many times I had been told that I was a princess, I was special & God has a huge plan for my life. I believed it, sort of. I did not know how to fully comprehend how God could really love me & always love me. How I a little girl that never knew what decision to make could be HIS princess, it just made no sense to me. 

High school was definitely a struggle, but the Lord brought amazing people into my life to speak to me. There were so many teachers that would say the same thing over & over again, & all we did was ignore them, but one day what they said to me really hit home. I had already graduated, but it was like the Lord brought everything they taught me back to my memory. 

I am a PRINCESS of the highest King in history. I am His. He Loves me. He wants to hold me while I cry. He wants to always be there for me. He wanted me to trust Him so I could have a wonderful life. He wants to be my strength. He wants to be my lover, & my father. God wanted the best for me & nothing else. 

I was star struck & finally believed that He really, truly, did care. It was the best feeling I have ever felt. Knowing that even though I did not make all the right decisions, I could start now. I may have fallen off track with God a lot, but He was still there, waiting with His arms wide open ready to hold me, not tell me all the things I did wrong, but just love me. It was amazing. I was overwhelmed. 

Knowing that God’s grace extends to even a small little girl who only wants to be a princess is astounding to me everyday. I am so thankful for His love and Grace. 

I won’t say I don’t have those hard days when I feel ugly, or unloved, but I always know that if I go running back into Gods arms, He will grab ahold of me & never let me go. To always know that in God’s eyes I am worth more than even rubies, is amazing. I now put my confidence, my self-worth, and my future in God’s hands.